These Advice shared by My Parent Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the actual experience quickly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk between men, who continue to absorb negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - going on a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their issues, changed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."